The emperor Augustus, writing when he was the patrician Octavianus, is known by only complete epigram:
Anthony’s shagging Glaphyra. So his wife, Fulvia, vows
revenge by screwing me! No chance! […]
Sieh an dessen Mauer, die wie Kupfer glänzt!
Besieh ihre Brustwehr, die niemand nachzubilden weiß!
Nimm doch die Treppe, die (dort) seit ewigen Zeiten!
Komm heran an Eanna, den Wohnsitz der Ischtar,
den kein künftiger König wird nachbilden können,
noch sonst ein anderer Mensch! [1]
Das ganze Epos hindurch führt Gilgamesch sich mit Frauen ziemlich seltsam auf.
Seine Mutter war Wildkuh-Ninsunna.
[…]
Mephisto zum Mädchen:
»Für euch sind zwei Dinge
von köstlichem Glanz:
das köstliche Gold
und ein glänzender Schwanz«
If you like this blog, please consider buying me a cocktail – Caipirinha is my favourite 
to wake and find you sitting up in bed
with your black hair and gold skin
leaning against the white wall
a perfect slant of sunlight slashed
across your chest as if God
were Rembrandt or maybe Igmar Bergman
but luckily it’s too early to go to the movies
and all the museums are closed on Tuesday
anyway I’d rather be here with […]
LOVESONG
He loved her and she loved him.
His kisses sucked out her whole past and future or tried to
He had no other appetite
She bit him she gnawed him she sucked
She wanted him complete inside her
Safe and sure forever and ever
Their little cries fluttered into the curtains
Her eyes wanted nothing to get away
Her looks nailed down […]
The sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
At the height of the mating season
He tries to bugger the sphinx.
But the sphinx’s posterior sphincter
Is all clogged by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the sphinx’s inscrutable smile.
If you like this blog, please consider buying me a cocktail – […]
That man seems to me on a par with the gods
who sits in your company and listens to you
so close to him speaking sweetly and laughing sexilySuch a thing makes my heart flutter in my breast,
for when I see you even for a moment,
then power to speak another word fails me,
instead my tongue freezes into […]
Key West - Barry Cuda, The Pianimal…
“Barry Cuda is a wild performer as well as a bonafide scholar. Early American 20th century piano is his specialty. He pushes his piano […]
There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her back
and opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling
(Recited by Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones)
If you like this blog, please consider buying me a cocktail – Caipirinha is my favourite
Valentine
The things about you I appreciate
may seem indelicate:
I’d like to find you in the shower
And chase the soap for half an hour.
I’d like to have you in my power
and see your eyes dilate.
I’d like to have your back to scour
And other parts to lubricate.
Sometimes I feel it is my fate
To chase you screaming up a […]